The story of a girl who could: revised
- S.S.
- Feb 11, 2019
- 1 min read
For another one of our class assignments, we were to take our initial recorded story from last week and make it infinitely better by means of more enthusiasm, taking out awkward pauses or filler words, and even adding background effects.
I am about 100 times more confident in this recording than my previous one, so I hope you enjoy it as well.
Thanks again for coming to visit. I hope your week is off to a great start!
*******
The background sounds are not my own!!! These are the links to the videos the little welding sounds and pencil scratches came from. I did not create those sounds myself and I do not own the files:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iA5fScbREcI&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmcO0lFfn1k&feature=youtu.be
*******
{Today's mind/heart/soul-healthy challenge: Think of your favorite quote. Why is it your favorite? Reflect on it and see if you learn something about yourself.}
*MAKE TODAY STORY-WORTHY.*
Cassidy, this story is so touching. I know what it's like to be stuck in your head because of outside circumstances, and it's always such a wonderful feeling when you can find your way out and do something you never thought you could do.
Both stories are very thoughtful and engaging. I'd have to agree with Saba - the first story felt like a personal retelling, while this version feels more like you're reciting it for an audience. The subtle changes between the two versions of the story (the sound in this one isn't quite as muffled as the other version, the sound effects help to open the story up even more, and the fact that you elaborated a bit…
Cassidy I really liked your story because it was so personal. On the outside, it seems simple but once the story begins to unfold you realize how much depth and emotions are attached. Well done. I thought both versions were great. In this revised one, it actually feels like your talking to an audience, that there is someone at the end of the line - there's a wave of emotions you're talking us through. The first one felt like you were reading from your diary, extremely personal and private. Your voice and technique remind me of the show Felicity. Not sure if you've seen it, but the main character- Felicity tapes her stories on a recorder to send to her…
This story brought me back to 10th grade when I was taking Chemistry and was scared to do anything with the burner, haha. How you tell the story this time around felt very conversational and relatable. I liked the sound effects you used and your pacing was really good. This was a long story, but honestly it didn’t feel like it so awesome job!
- Brandon Peña
Cassidy, I really enjoyed your story. I liked both versions. The first version felt more like you were reminiscing over an episode, in an Intimate and endearing setting, such as mentally composing what you are transcribing into a diary. The revised version, added a little more personality, I can tell when you are expressing sadness, confidence, joy or pride, by the way you shift your enunciation stressing the prominence of certain phrases, such as lowering or increasing the semitones in your pitch, or when you giggle slightly to accentuate happiness and humor, it’s inviting and adds charm. The story shifts from being an isolated narrative to emphasizing a moment of triumph in the face of adversity, sharing in your complexities…