Have you ever felt like your holiday stories are wildly different from or incredibly dull in comparison to everyone else's? Since last week was Valentine's Day, our professor asked us to create a visual story for this week's blog about anything Valentine's-related. It was funny sitting in class and hearing some people rustle around to start brainstorming then seeing others swiveling around in their chairs staring at the ceiling because ya know, sometimes we just don't have any good ole sappy stories to tell.
Upon reflection of my past Valentine's Days, the month of February, and what the consistencies are every year for me, I landed on the idea of trying to express how grief and loss can impact your overall perspective and mood regarding certain holidays- in this case my experience with Valentine's Day. I am blessed by parents that have celebrated with me, spoiled me, and gone on Valentine's "dates" with me since I was little, so they truly have set the tone beautifully for what it looks like to live out stress-free holidays that are founded in simply showing people you love them. Starting in 2012 however, February's began to feel a little different. I was in junior high at the time and a couple months into the new year one of my friends took her own life. This came like a tsunami and completely shattered my heart. Knowing her and losing her made an everlasting impact on me that reshaped the way I see people and the way I love people, and I grew more than I ever have before. Though so much time has passed since she left and an unbelievable amount of healing has taken place in my own heart, it's still one of the most painful things to reflect on and remember. I criticize myself sometimes for still being so touchy about it in certain seasons, but every once in a while it really does end up taking form as an unavoidable, almost month-long cycle of remembrance, grief, love, and even healing as it gets closer to the anniversary of her death. This creates a peculiar dynamic for a month full of sweets and love and togetherness to be simultaneously mourning someone who has been gone nearly 7 years. I thought this would be an interesting method of presenting not just Valentine's Day as a holiday, but how underlying factors impact the days and weeks surrounding it.
I wanted to express the passage of time by means of moving through weeks on a calendar, showing the fluctuations in my spirit as the end of the month approaches, all the while being surrounded by all-things-Valentine's. I feel like February takes on a sort of muted, messy, reflective tone sometimes and different emotions end up dripping into each other- more so the closer it gets to the 22nd. I wanted to show the process of emotional fluctuation and healing, pulling out of sadness, but also letting myself feel what I need to feel. The red heart that covers the page at the end is not only a visual representation of the spirit of Valentine's day, but a symbol of a whole, healing heart that in the end can outlive any amount of grief.
{Honesty hour: I had REALLY high hopes for this being beautifully profound and hard-hitting. Though I'm happy with the look and feel, it's hard for me to be satisfied with this as a sufficient representation and worthy memorial. It proved to be rougher than I thought to reflect on this long enough to shape a project around it, so between emotional and physical exhaustion, my creativity and drive took a real big hit. I do hope that it still communicates what I meant for it to, and in a way that it is able to connect with someone who has experienced something similar.}
Thank you so much again for looking! I hope your Valentine's Day was one for the books and that it might even be a new story of your own.
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As much as I wish I could say it is, this song is not my own!! I did not create this audio myself and I do not own the files. Here is the link to the video I pulled the song from:
https://youtu.be/SVaolE6As0Y
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{Today's mind/heart/soul-healthy challenge: Think about your favorite holiday. Why is it your favorite? Pick out some really specific elements of the holiday that you love, close your eyes, and let those elements work together to paint a mental picture for you where they are all present. Maybe even put on a song that reminds you of that moment or idea. Just breathe that in.}
*MAKE TODAY STORY-WORTHY.*